why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
