Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
