i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
