Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
