are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm passing your future prison.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
