high people should be assigned attendants
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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