Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
