My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
