he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
