I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
