You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
