So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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