does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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