It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
