we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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