i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I stole a fireplace last night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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