Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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