As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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