The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
