how can u be prego again
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
