so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
