are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize