It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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