Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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