Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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