it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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