I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
