You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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