Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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