and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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