just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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