I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
