My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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