fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
