Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
