I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
