He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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