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you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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