apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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