I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Your face is a jimmy john
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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