Tell her she can't have a vagina
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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