my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
