This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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