sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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