shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
This house was built for laser tag.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
