some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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