HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My life is pants optional.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
