if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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