this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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