I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
