I don't think brook has ever known best
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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