I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
