I hate all girls vehemently.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
