She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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