its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
