You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
