2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You just made me feel so damn special
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
