Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
