Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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