I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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