he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
