He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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