I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
