He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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