This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
