Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
