guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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