I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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