I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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