You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
